CityWOOF

So I did end up quitting the gay men’s chorus, after only being in for a few weeks.  It was just TOO MUCH to go to those three-hour-long rehearsals every Monday after work, and my sweet, aging dog didn’t much appreciate it either.

He is getting so blind and deaf.  Pains me so. I love him.

Anyhoo, I’m very happy about my decision!  I had no passion for singing with the group and it’s a large commitment.  Now I can focus again on my writing projects (they are legion).

Still seeing someone possibly special.  We’re getting along nicely.  Went to see a couple of movies over the weekend (Mr. Moore’s new movie about Capitalism and ZOMBIELAND – both very good!)

I am thinking about moving to Austin, Texas.

Everything is good!  I copied this meme off the ever-enjoyable Spo Reflections site.   Here goes:

7 Things That Scare Me
1. Loss of a loved one
2. Homelessness
3. Republicans
4. Loneliness
5. Fat people.

7 Things I Like
1. Porn
2.  Movies
3. Books
4. Diet Mountain Dew
5. Sex (alone or with others)
6. Music
7. Theater

7 Things I Hate
1. Cruelty
2. Stupidity
3. Vegetables
4. Back problems
5. Hypocrisy
6. Republicans

7 Things In My Room

1. A pile of books being read.

2. A pile of laundry – some clean, some dirty

3. Posters

4. Xbox

5. Collectibles of dubious interest or value

6. Gay “Billy” dolls

7 Things About Me

1. Quit smoking now for 7 months

2. Undisciplined but talented writer
3. Lost 35 lbs and holding onto that weight loss.
4. Always wanting to move somewhere, but I don’t think anywhere is better than (or as wonderful as) Portland, so I don’t know why this compulsion to move persists.
5. Haven’t spoken to my father in years, and may never again.
6. Providing a comfortable home to the hiv virus for over 2 decades
7. I always have music on (in my head)

7 Things To Do Before I Die
1. Europe
2. Shove a gerbil up my butt
3. Lose another 30 lbs
4. Finish a play, a novel, several short stories and see them all produced and/or published
5. New York again
6. Michael Rockwell
7. Shawn (again)

7 Things I Can Do
1. Sing beautifully
2. Make people laugh
3. Bend my pinky finger all the way back so that it lays flat against the back of my hand
4. Communicate well

5. Get you off.

7 Things I Can’t Do
1. Eat vegetables
2. Discipline myself
3. Walk very well anymore (after two foot surgeries)
4. Run (I never could, so the coming zombie apocolypse will be a rough time for me)
5. Work under the hood of the car

6. Deal with republicans

7 Favorite Movies
1. Carrie
2. Terms of Endearment
3. The Color Purple
4. Sophie’s Choice
5. All of Quentin Tarantino’s movies
6. All of Barbra Streisand’s movies

7 Things I Say Often
1. “Huh?”
2. “Jesus Fucking Christ”
3. “Yes”
4. “What are you doing?”

Yes, I did, trying to get into that damn hard-plastic packaging everything comes in now.  I think it’s infected, and I may die.  Oh, well.

My new thing is swimming at the gym….trying to get in a hour of freestyle laps at least 4 days a week.  I get SO BORED though, that I spent a bunch of money on a new ipod, waterproof headphones and armband case so that I can swim with my tunes.  WHOO HOO.

I’ve lost 35 lbs and have held on to that weight loss for a month now, pretty happy about that.

I’m dating someone, he’s nice and I like him.  That’s all I’ll say about that for the time being!

Went to see “Inglorious Basterds” (sp) and it is my favorite movie of the year so far…love that Quentin Tarantino, he’s such a great writer/director.

Working on writing projects.

I’ve joined the Portland Gay Men’s Chorus, but I sure do dread the 3-hour rehearsals every Monday night…I’m not sure if I can do it.    It feels like I’ve been indoctrinated into a cult or something.  A very clique-y cult at that.   Mmmm, Kool-ade!  I don’t know if I’ll stick it out or not, need to decide soon.  I think I prefer the sort of stage performance where I GET ATTENTION, and am not just another queen in a tuxedo.  We’ll see!

My favorite thing in the world right now (besides swimming with my ipod) is the writing workshop I’m taking…I love having that time set aside every week to write.

So how are YOU doing?

Oh, bloggy blog.

What’s been going on, lessee…

I went to Vancouver, BC over Labor Day weekend with my best friend of over 30 years.  My dog Jesse went too.  Kelly and I sang at a church growth conference for the gay pentecostal “Rainbow Church” there in Vancouver.  We did two of our old standards.   I spent the rest of the time hanging out with my ex husband Jud and his current partner.  It was nice to see them and to see Vancouver again.  We were there for3 days and 4 nights.

Got into a HUGE fight with Kelly upon returning to Portland.  One of those “don’t ever contact me again, I hate you forever” kind of fights.  Don’t know if it will stick, I kind of doubt it after all these years, but who knows.  Like Billy Joel said, “Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes”.  Maybe after all these years it’s time for a divorce.   We have gotten to be very c0-dependant as friends.

I’m planning to join the gay men’s chorus again, I need a new musical and social outlet and that should hopefully take care of both of those things.   It can be a very clique-y group, but I know lots of the men and I think it’ll be fun to do again.  Hoping so, anyway.

La Boheme is up next, and I’m very much looking forward to seeing the opera.  It’s going to be a very traditional production.  Lots of great Broadway shows headed our way too.

Cheers!

Don’t disturb us if you hear us trying/To instigate the structure of another line or two/’Cuz writin’s lightin’ up/And I like life enough/To see it through

- Elton John/Bernie Taupin “Writing”

For as long as I can remember, one desire has burned brighter than any other in me.  The desire to create,  to do or make something really cool and receive praise and make people suck air – whether it be a surprised intake, an “Oh!” of happiness, or a sob, or perhaps a sudden lack of breath brought about by shock or surprise.

Growing up,  I was able to fill that desire most often by my writing of stories or papers…any time I was charged with a writing project, I turned in something pretty great.   English teachers loved me.  In 7th grade, one teacher basically accused me of plagiarsim, claiming that someone my age simply couldn’t possess the talent to write the story I had turned in.  Well, I had written it.   I still have it.

My first college-level writing class was taught by the teacher everyone hoped they wouldn’t get…she was the toughest of them all, regarded as crusty, mean, hard-to-please.   I turned in my first paper to her and she informed me, in front of the entire class, that my narrative essay was “the best paper that has ever been turned into me by a student in all of my years as a teacher”.

Yeah, I pretty much sailed through the rest of that course!

I love to read, I love to write.   I like great writers like Truman Capote and Ray Bradbury.  I like Stephen King.   Horror is my favorite genre.

My problem is that I am just not disciplined as a writer.   When I sit down and get “in the zone”,  I can really turn out some good work…it’s just hard to get me to sit there and do it.

BUT I have renewed interest.  There are barely any horror writers who are gay, and the one BIG one who is – Clive Barker – never writes about gay people.  It’s time for me to step up and write some horror fiction for the lavender crowd.  There is some out there, and I own every gay horror novel and short story collection.  I recently discovered a gay horror writer named Rick R. Reed, and he is very good.  I’m inspired, I’m ready…just gotta get my ass in front of the ‘puter, turn off the TV and write.

What I really need is a laptop, but I cannot afford one now.  A laptop would let me write anywhere, and that is what I need to be able to do.  Maybe after I sell my first gay horror story, novella or novel.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m being silly in believing that, at my age, I can still do something like become a writer.  If I am, don’t tell me.  Have to have something to hang onto, projects to work on, dreams to move toward.

Otherwise I’d shrivel up emotionally, maybe even physically.  Now there’s a gay horror image for you!

Oh, crap, I haven’t blogged in weeks!  Stick a big old letter L on my forehead.

The gig at the Duck went just like I hoped it would….nobody showed up, and those who were there left once I started to perform.  Awesome.  A few people stayed, bless ‘em.   I actually did put on a pretty good show.

I’m up for a role in “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown”.   Title role?  I’ll know soon.

Doing another singing gig at the Leather Pride concert this weekend.  4 songs. I should probably start thinking about which 4 songs!

I’m walking really well now, no problems.  I am no longer the gimp I was.

I have lost 17 lbs in just over 2 weeks on my Medifast diet.  Awesome Possum!

Almost 5 months without a cigarette.

Here in Portland we are experiencing a record-breaking heatwave.  Hot, hot, hot!

I’m writing, reading, whacking…just not blogging too much.  But I am still here!

Love,

Mark

Oh, crap, have I really not blogged since the middle of June?   Smack me!

Everything is good.  The weather is beautiful in Portland in the summer…rarely gets above mid-90’s, mostly it’s just gorgeous.    I am walking in my walking boot for this week, then I will transition into shoes.  Getting around with no problem.

Had my carpets cleaned, re-arranged the living room.  Everything is fresh and nice.

Jesse’s birthday is tomorrow…and so is Urspo’s!  All my Cancer buddies…I love Cancer males.  And Capricorns.

Went to a 4th of July bbq…it was nice to do something social.

Next Sunday I sing karaoke for an hour at the Dirty Duck.  God help those who show up.

Nothing to bitch about!

As usual I promise to blog more regularly, though that promise has little credibility since I keep making and then breaking it.  I need to get into a routine!

Citywoof is all smiles and peace these days.

Well, the drama/storm has passed.  I am, as the title of this post suggests, feeling much better about everything.

I’m at the point where I am in a walking boot and the test steps I took yesterday worked out really well…I can walk, holding onto one crutch.  My best bud came over yesterday and we went grocery shopping.

Jesse seems to be better, I actually took him out for a walk on his leash.  He is still peeing in the house, but 0I’ll figure that one out.

I watched Marley and Me and had a really good cry.  Have you seen it?  You should see it.

Always darkest before the dawn.  I think the sun is coming out.

Hope you are having a good summer!

Well, life is real exciting for me these days.  I’m still hobbled and can’t walk.   I have returned to work, though; The short bus comes and gets me, takes me to work and back home.  It usually takes them 2 hours to get me from the office to my place, when it’s really just a 15 minute drive, but there are other people to pick up and drop off.  I try to be patient, but mostly want to cry.

I did make it to the movies…none of my friends heeded my hinting at wanting to go to the movies and see some of the summer really-big-shews like Star Trek, Angels and Demons…so I took the short bus to theater and sat by myself with a giant tub of popcorn, pepsi and raisinettes and watched a few in a row.  Then I caught the bus back home. In the last week alone I have managed to:

• Get my cell phone completely soaking wet, thereby destroying it and rendering myself incommunicado.
• Get myself to an audition (and I gave ‘em a pretty good audition, I believe.
• Entertain a really lousy now-former friend (“Why is your place so messy?  And don’t give me the thing about being in a cast…you should have had this place cleaned up for my visit!”…of course, he didn’t offer to help me do anything, just complained.  I’ll speak to him no more.)
• Attend the 2009 Portland Gay Pride parade and festival with my lovely lesbro friend.
• Lose my wallet and everything in it, including my credit cards, cash and shortbus pass to get to and from work.
• Witness my dog going insane.

About that last one?  He really is losing it…it makes me sad.  My friend Kelly  got Jesse and I to the vet to see what was wrong with him…it’s just his mind, that’s the only diagnosis I got.  Senility.  He has reverted back to puppyhood, pissing all over indoors, destroying things…it might be because I haven’t taken him out for a walk in two months, whatever it is, it is about to make ME lose it, too.

Things are not good.  I want the fuck out of this cast, I want to walk, I want this nightmare over with….can’t take it much longer.  The isolation, the disappointment in the people I know…I’m going to end up so bitter.  I really will have to move away.  Where, to California where the Terminator is Terminating all funding for aids drug assistance?

I don’t know.  I’m not happy.  Everything sucks.

Done venting.  Things have got to get better.

I was reading Joe My God today and he posted about a Saint Reunion Party dance.  If you’re anywhere around my age (46) and were dancing in the days of disco, make sure to check it out,  along with the comments, which include lists of many of the songs that were played.  Whew, the nostalgia.

Sometimes I feel the need to keep up with what’s current in music, but that is like swimming against the current…there’s so much, and it is so niche.  It used to be easy to keep up…just listen to the radio!  Or spend a night out at the club. It seemed there was a finite flow of music, and just when that great new song we all loved was beginning to get tiresome, a new one would come along…and then we’d love that song.

I know, I know…and we trudged to school in the snow and ate rocks for lunch…

I don’t mind getting older, but I don’t want to be out of touch, I guess is the thing.  But I am beginning to realize that being out of touch with what is current and hot might be…inevitable?  And that is because what is hot and current, frankly, is not intended for me.  New bands don’t make music for old people.  Maybe you have already realized this, I am just getting it.  Poo.

When I go out and look for music, I am looking for the same kind of stuff I have always liked:  Jangly 80′’s pop, Broadway show tunes, Elton John…

Hooray for Scissor Sisters to wonderfully connecting to the past and staying in the present…they are awesome.

I dunno, I think disco is coming back around.  Lady Ga-Ga, anyone?

I didn’t start this post to be about music.   It was to be a much more meloncholy post.   That one will come later, I guess.  I’m at work.

These couldn’t be more random. But they are all true!

1. I discovered a wonderfully funny Brit-com called “The IT Crowd”. Hilarious.
2. I am planning to audition for Oliver!, a show I’ve done chorus for in the past. I am thinking Mr. Bumble, but Fagan might be fun too.  It’s a pretty bad musical, but the theater pays well.  Stephen…time for a comeback?  Sorry…a return to the stage?
3. RENT is coming back to town next month, with original cast members Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal.  I’ve seen the show 4 times.  Looking forward to seeing it again, with those guys.
4. I want a banana split.
5. I want to go to the movies and see Star Trek and Angels and Demons.  Alas, I do not have friends kind of enough to take me in my condition. *sigh*  This is  one major reason why I am so often thinking about moving away, even though I love Portland.
6. I am planning on going on a serious diet, it’s called Medifast.  It’s like Nutrisystem.  My friend Kelly is on it and has lost about 30 lbs in short order.  A 30 – 40 lb weight-loss would look great on me.  
7. I was extremely sad and to read about the end of gay porn mags.  Although I never read or buy them anymore, they were a seminol part of my coming out and discovery of my sexuality, as is true for most gay guys.
8. Just as I became laid up, my Xbox 360 broke.  I had just spent a fair amount of money on some new games, and was looking forward to getting lost in those worlds.  Microsoft will repair it, but I have to mail it to them and pay quite a bit for the repair…maybe it’s time to lay down the joystick…I am 46.
9. I am thinking about becoming a funeral director.  Not kidding.
10. I watched “A Night to Remember” last night.  I had never seen it…it was really excellent!  After James Cameron’s Titanic came out, along with the musical Titanic, I became obsessed with the story of that story.