CityWOOF

Got my latest numbers…still undetectable, and for quite awhile now. For those to whom that sentence makes no sense, I’m talking about my hiv virus levels. So low that it can’t be accurately measured, is I think how they say it. I always feel so good when I get that news from my doc!

I’m in full swing rehearsals for TOMMY, the musical I’m in which will be opening October 12. It’s going well, the cast is excellent and everything sounds great.

There is this one chick in the show named Joy. This is the 3rd musical in a row that I’ve been in with Joy, and she is behaving very strangely towards me, as though I have offended her in some way and she just can’t stand me. I have no idea what I could have possibly done to upset her. The last time I saw her before TOMMY rehearsals began, she was all sweetness and light (possibly because she was auditioning to do a voice-over for a documentary that I was involved in the casting of - she didn’t get the job).

SO…should I just ignore this cold behavior from her, OR confront her and see what the fuck her problem is?

Maybe she just doesn’t like me, and for no particular reason. Remember the SEINFELD episode where the woman didn’t like George and Jerry asked him “Does everyone have to like you?” George cried, “YES! Everyone must like me! I must be liked!”

Is it possible I’m not as adorable as I think I am?

Maybe it’s all in my mind, then how embarrassing would it be if I confronted her?

I got this from
Jason’s blog.

I lived in Fresno, California in my early twenties, and at one point was in a relationship with a hunky guy named Bob. I met Bob while I was working at The Steamworks bathhouse (Yes, Fresno had a bathhouse!) and before long we had set up household and were doing the whole I Love You thing. I say it that way because, well, it was really only about the sex…but we thought it was love. It wasn’t.

Anyway, Bob had recently moved to Fresno from Los Angeles and and was working as a minimum-wage clerk in a pet store, and I had my job at The Tubs, so as you can well imagine, neither of us had much money. And yet we always seemed to come up with it…in fact, we never lacked money at all. We did anything we wanted to do, bought anything we wanted to buy and lived in a very nice condo.

How was this possible? Well, Bob had a friend named Adolph, whom he had known from L.A. In fact, Adolph had moved to Fresno at the same time Bob had. Anytime I expressed a desire for something, and money seemed tight, Bob would say “It’s no problem, I’ll call Adolph and get some money.”

Bob would make the call, and we’d hop in the car and go visit Adolph, who lived in a small apartment with the drapes always closed. We’d arrive, and after some inital small talk, Bob and Adolph would disappear into the bedroom and, after a few moments, Bob would re-appear and wink at me, and we’d visit a bit more and then leave…with lots of cash.

Yes, I questioned why Adolph just gave him all this money whenever he wanted it, but always got some vague reply.

It seems clear to me now, though, that Bob and Adolph must have been partners in some criminal endeavour and had an agreement that Adolph would hold on to the cash and Bob could dip into his share whenever he wanted to.

I guess the possibility of a criminal past didn’t occur to me at the time. Doesn’t make me seem very bright, eh? Well, they were both so sweet and such gentle men, I never thought either of them had a bad bone in their bodies. I just thought Adolph was a generous friend.

He sure kept those drapes closed tight, though; except when he was peering through them…which was a lot.

So…bank robbery? Doubtful. I’m thinking embezzlement, which is why Bob had to get a job as a pet shop boy. He could never list his past employment on an application.

Yeah, definetly embezzlement, which would make him the first embezzler I was in a relationship with. Not the last, though…that was Dale Hunter.

I think the mystery of Adolph and the free-flowing cash is now solved…DUH!

In my early 20’s, things weren’t going that great at one point and I decided to join the Air Force. It seemed like a good idea: College, benefits, job training opportunities. So I marched myself down to the induction center and told them I was there to sign up.

So began the process. Paperwork, interview…and then the physical. A bunch of us would-be inductees stood in a line dressed in nothing but our underwear, and the onsite doctor there felt up our balls and had us cough and such. At one point, a bunch of those in charge gathered together and began pointing at me…

“Look at his feet! Have you ever seen flatter feet?”
“I’ve never seen anything like it! Hey! Come here and look at this!”

They were pointing and staring and suddenly I got the feeling I wasn’t going to be getting into the Air Force. An officer pulled me aside and pointed me towards an examination room, informing me that someone would be joining me shortly. Soon, an old, bespectacled doctor came in and said he needed to find something out. He told me to lay on my back…and then he began lifting my legs. Higher and higher they went, and remarked at how “flexible” I was.

“Well,” I replied, “I’m an actor and have danced in a few musicals. I’m a bit of a dancer…”

Well, that’s all he needed to know, apparently, he told me to get dressed. Apparently, the fact that I could lift my legs over my head and had been in musicals made me unfit to serve in the Air Force. I got a rejection letter shortly thereafter.

So what’s the mystery part? Well, first of all…my feet aren’t that flat and there wasn’t any need for all the hoopla and pointing and special examination. So, what gave me away that the officials at the induction center had to put on this charade?

During my senior year of high school, and especially right after graduation, I began receiving phone calls from recruiters. I had just come out of the closet, and I decided to tell each of those military men who called me that I wouldn’t be joining their particular branch of the service because I was gay. I recall how amazed and shocked each one of these recruiters was when I would tell them that…it was, after all, 1981 and in Clovis, California, young men of 18 weren’t really coming out in droves.

SO…it has just recently dawned on me that there had to have been a file on me with that information, and years later when I tried to join up, the information that I was a self-professed pillow-biter was right there in black and white. I don’t know why they didn’t just come right out and say “Ummm…you told us you were queer, back in ‘81, so…get the fuck out.” Instead they had a little fun with me.

We were all sitting in a little classroom at one point, having filled out our paperwork, and the man in charge, having collected all of our forms, said “I sure hope none of you checked the box about having HOMOSEXUAL TENDANCIES!” There was some giggling, and a big “No, SIR!” from everyone…including me.

Yeah, I lied, trying to get in. But, happily, I had already told the truth and they weren’t letting me take the truth back.

Christopher Meloni (Oz, SVU), is my type. Masculine, lean…just hot. He could be a little furrier, then he’d be a hot otter, but ooohh..those eyes.

I hate to disappoint those among us who are bears (like me), but I am an otter-lover. I have a thing for blue-eyed, daddy-type men with facial hair. Chris doesn’t often sport full face fur, but even just the stubble is enough for me as far as he is concerned.

Another really hot guy, in my opinion is Ben Baily (below) from Discovery Channel’s CASH CAB

Oy. I’m horny now…

Haven’t done of these in a while…got it off of Dirk’s blog.

1. Do you still have tonsils? Yes.

2. Would you bungee jump? Definetly!

3. If You Could Do Anything In The World For A Living What Would It Be? Be a composer of Broadway musicals.

4. How many tattoos do you have? Three, they’re on my arms.

5. Your favorite fictional animal? Winged horse

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My friend Kelly.

7. Do you consider yourself well organized? More than some, not as much as others.

8. Any Addictions? Cigarettes and porn.

9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? My Yahoo home page.

10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? Carnival. Clowns are creepy and I don’t like Circus animals being dragged around the country and made to perform.

11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? An actor…and hey, I am one!

12. Best Movie You’ve Seen This Year? Little Miss Sunshine

13. Favorite alcoholic drink? Cosmopolitan

14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Have
a piss.

15. Siblings? 1 sister, 6 years younger.

17. Have you ever gone to therapy? Oh yes. In therapy now!

18. If you could have one super power what would it be? Shape-shifting to look like anyone.

19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? No, but we’re gettin’ an Ikea soon.

20. Have you ever gone camping? Yeah, long time ago…movies…

21. Gas prices! Only going to get worse.

22. Your favorite cartoon character? Charlie Brown (yes, still)

23. What was your first car? Little yellow Ford truck.

24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? No, but I think the parameters of it are.

25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? The Simpsons.

26. Do you go to church? Yes.

27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Elton John.

28. What errand/chore do you despise? Cleaning the bathroom

29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? I’m taking Nuisance Man to the bus this morning so he can go home!

30. Last time you puked from drinking? When I was 23.

31. What is your heritage? No idea.

32. Favorite flower? I’m a Portlander…it’s the Rose City. I like roses.

33. Disney or Warner Bros? DISNEY!

34. What is your best childhood memory? Probably some Christmas morning.

35. Your favorite potato chip? BBQ Lays

36. What is your favorite candy? Chocolate-covered raisins.

37. Do you burn or tan? I tan well.

38. Astrological sign? Pisces

39. Do you own a gun? Nope. But I will when I move to Texas.

40. What do you think of hot dogs? I like hot dogs, and yeah I know what’s in ‘em…don’t care!

He wasn’t there at the bus stop. There was a bad accident on the freeway and another one on the Marqham Bridge, in which the bridge was actually damaged. Big chunks of it fell onto the streets below (It’s true, I saw it on the news). So…not his fault. I spoke to him on the phone an hour and a half after the appointed time, and told him to meet the at the Fox and Hound, out front. I drove to the Fox and Hound, he wasn’t there. I left the car running, went inside (muttering furiously) and checked the whole bar. He was nowhere to be seen.

So I drove to the nearby Dirty Duck, and pulled up next to the front door. Sure enough, he’d heard “Dirty Duck”, not “Fox and Hound”. He took the news that I wasn’t going camping with him pretty well, and wanted to know my plans for tomorrow. I told him, “…don’t wanna make any plans. They never work out.” He looked down, with an “Uh-oh” face and said, “…okaaaay..”. He keeps bugging me to drive up for the day this morning, but I ain’t gonna. Don’t wanna make any plans, they never work out.

SO ANYWAY, that’s the last of that subject. He’s a good guy, maybe I’m being too hard on him.

I have a friend whom I’ve known for 16 years. He’s a great guy: Funny, talented, smart, generous…all kinds of good and groovy.

But the man can not keep an appointment, make a connection or be on time for anything. He lives in his own personal dimension of time and space, and if you make any kind of plan with him, you can pretty much bet the house that he will not follow through. Plans to meet out at a bar? He won’t be there, at least not at the appointed hour and likely not at all. He has a cell phone, but does he ever answer it, or call to let you know that he isn’t going to make it? Absolutely not. Never, not ever.

He takes the bus down from Seattle to visit, pretty frequently. “I’ll be at the Greyhound station at 5:00.” So time and time again, I drive down to the bus station to pick him up. He’s never there. Sometimes he’s decided to take a later bus, or not to come at all. Does he call and let me know that he’s changed his plans? Absolutely not, never. Ever. Does he answer his cell phone to let me know that he’s changed his plans? I’ll give you 7 guesses.

Last weekend, I drove to Seattle to visit. I called him as I got close to Seattle, to get directions to his new residence, where I was going to be staying. No answer. Called again, no answer. Finally I got an answer, and he said he’d meet me at C.C. Attle’s bar at 7:30 and we’d have dinner, then go back to his place. I got to C.C.’s and waited. Long about 8:30 he still wasn’t there, so I called him. Where was he? At home, chatting on Bear411.com. Was he coming to the bar to meet me, have dinner and show me how to get to his house? Well, no. He was tired, and his feet hurt. I was beyond pissed.

SO….this weekend we were supposed to go camping with the Oregon Bears. Weeks and weeks ago he had said he was going to go online and register us for this camping trip. Everytime I asked if he had done this, he said he was going to do it “right now”, or “tomorrow”, or “right after we get off the phone”.

S0…yesterday was the day the Oregon Bear camping trip began. He had told me he would be in at about 5:00 on the bus. At about 1:00 pm, I called him to find out how his progress was. I was a little ticked he wasn’t coming into town earlier, so that we could get up to the campsite, but figured as long as we got there by dusk, we’d be ok. He informs me that he isn’t coming that day, he’s scheduled a job interview for Friday morning. He also lets me know that he never did register us but that there’d probably be some camping spots open.

SO….that was the last straw. I will never, ever make anything resembling a plan with this friend again. Not to meet for dinner or to go out, not anything. He can come up to Portland, he can even stay here, but there will be no more trying to coincide with him.

He left a message on my phone this morning (indigant that I didn’t pick up), letting me know that he was about to get on the bus and would be at the station at 3:00. Well, I am not going on this camping trip and I have returned all the camping gear I borrowed. I will arrive at the bus station at three and see if he’s there, but he will have schlepped his camping gear down from Seattle on the bus for nothing, because we are not going. At least I’m not. I have had it with this crap from him.

Have a great weekend! Treat your friends well…

I’ve just gotten ahold of the first single from EJ’s new album The Captain and the Kid
called “The Bridge”.

The Bridge

And every one of us has to face that day
Do you cross the bridge or do you fade away
And every one of us that ever came to play
Has to cross the bridge or fade away

It’s a gorgeous, stately piano ballad, and I think Bernie wrote the lyrics just for me. I want to make big changes in my life, want to move away from Portland and start a new life somewhere, but fear of change holds me here. “Come and risk it all, or die trying”.

This song may be the catalyst for me to go ahead and make those changes. Move to Dallas…aquire some self-discipline…quit smoking. The “Bridge” could obviously be a metaphor for many things. I need to make my plans, stuff my pack and cross it.

Or fade away…

I’ve been watching gay movies.

ADAM AND STEVE

Last October, when I was on the bearvoyage, one of the shipboard activites was a showing of a new movie called Adam and Steve. I didn’t attend the screening (I thought it was silly to sit in a movie theater while I was cruising the Caribbean), but now I kind of wish I had. It woulda been fun to watch this movie with a gay audience!

Adam and Steve is kind of like of gay There’s Something About Mary in its type of wacky humor. It’s very funny, really sweet and it has Malcolm Gets (remember Caroline in the City?), Parker Posey and SNL’s Chris Kattan. Writer-directer Craig Chester also plays Adam. I highly recommend this movie! (and Malcolm Gets is absolutely fricking adorable in it…the perfect boyfriend)

HELLBENT

Hellbent is being touted as the first “gay slasher movie”. It’s very low-budget and badly acted, but still kind of entertaining. Just because it’s kind of fun to see every slasher-movie cliche done with a gay sensibility and a hunky, shirtless actor in the Jamie Lee Curtis role (without the shrieking).