CityWOOF

The last 10 weeks have been really, really hard. I have become the most boring person on the planet. I have nothing to talk about except my stupid left foot and what’s been on TV.

I have come to the realization that it is time to do some life pruning. I am pruning from my life the people and things that have not supported me or shown any concern or care about me during this period of isolation. Don’t get me wrong, there have been a number of wonderful people who have helped me out a lot and been there for me. But the ones who have not are Oh You Tee (that spells OUT).

This list includes MCC Portland, the church I have been an active member of for the last 13 years. It’s funny, you have this illusion that you belong somewhere, you get the warm fuzzies and hugs and you assume that, if you’re ever in a situation like the one I’ve been in for the last 10 weeks that those people are going to notice your absence, maybe care that you’re not there. Yet I have not recieved 1 phone call asking how I’m doing (except from the interim pastor - who doesn’t even know me - the day after my surgery), or to ask if I’d like a ride to church, even from the people who live right here in my neighborhood and have known me for years.

I know this sounds like whiny self-pity, maybe. Well, maybe it is, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

And my fabulous F*ck Buddy has left me high and dry, too. So has Bill, a “friend” since I moved to Portland. They will be pruned from my life.

And so, this life I live here in Portland seems like to me like a tree that has lost most of its branches. I kind of feel like the whole thing just needs to be cut down.

Or maybe I can just look forward to new things blossoming, now that I’m doing this pruning. I remain a “cockeyed optomist”, for some unknown reason, even though it may not sound like it right now.

Maybe this is what had to happen in order for new things to happen.

I want to move away, but I can’t afford to.

We’ll see what happens. Stay tuned, if you’d like.

I saw the doctor last Friday and he said I could start bearing full weight on my foot again, depending on how much pain I want to deal with. No restrictions or boot needed any longer. SO, I went home, put on 2 socks and 2 shoes….and got into my standard-transmission Ford pickup. To my great joy, I discovered that I could depress the clutch without much pain and I was able to drive. What a freeing feeling…to be able to go to the store, a drive-through, a drive. And my dog was thrilled to get to go for a car ride. We are both very happy about it. I still have to walk with crutches, but I can drive, I can go places. I don’t have to be helpless any longer.

Over the last several weeks I watched the Oprah Winfrey 20th Anniversary Collection. 6 discs, containing highlights of her first 20 years on TV. I have to tell you, I enjoyed every second of it. I cried a lot, laughed a lot and just marvelled at this woman. I’ve always liked and admired Oprah, but I have such a deeper respect for her after watching this DVD set. I really recommend it.

I really hated to see all of my TV shows end. Season finale week was not a good week! Now I’m left with reruns and Summer filler. Yuk. It all looks really, really crappy. I do look forward to Big Brother 7 starting up, though. I like that show. Til then, guess I’ll have to crack a book, listen to the radio…who knows. Blog more? Do some writing?

I have been, frankly, obsessed with the Rosie/Elisabeth situation on The View.  I love to watch the show, even though it’s a woman’s program, because I love me some Rosie.  She is so real, so funny and I agree with just about everything she says.  Last week, when everything escalated to the point of a big fight on Wednesday I held my breath…and now it’s over.  That was her last day on the show, she walked out that day and will never be back.  Makes me really sad!  This is a symptom of how pathetic my life has become, that I care about Rosie and her job at The View so much, but still….I looked forward to it every morning, and now it’s done.

I was really happy this morning to hear about the death of Jerry Falwell!  He was a horrible, misguided person who did a lot of evil in the world and I’m thrilled that his voice has been silenced.

Prior to Falwell’s “Moral” Majority, the Christian faith used to evangelize about God’s love for all and tried to draw people in.  Yes, there were many bigots and hate-mongers prior to that organization, but still - there was the idea that christians were “in the world, but not of the world”.  Then Falwell came along with his message, basically telling the world that, while we love you sinners (gays, murderers, adulterers all the same and in the same category), we are going to work to destroy your lives and deprive you of your rights.  But come join us anyway!

Falwell did more to drive people away from God and faith than probably anyone else in modern history.  Especially gay people.  He began the politicizing of religion in modern times, destroying lives all along the way.  How many suicides, ruined families, is this dead man responsible for?

All I can say is that every time one of these types of bigoted freaks dies it is a good day and a step forward into a brighter future.

Praise the Lord for today!

Well, since I haven’t blogged for 2 frickin’ weeks, I thought I’d catch up on here a bit.  How lame is it that I can’t do this daily? I have nothing else to do.

Maybe because there’s honestly nothing going on!  I get up every morning and crawl (literally) from the bed to the big chair or to the couch in the living room. I stare at the TV for awhile before crawling into the kitchen to try and make something to eat.  Then I crawl into back to the living room and watch TV or read for the rest of the day. I can’t walk, what is there to do?

Well, I did get to go to an MCC retreat last weekend. It was so nice to be out and amongst people for 2 and a half days.  I drove up with my friend Kelly to a pretty remote YMCA camp, after stopping off to pick up a rented wheelchair.  It was interesting to be in the position of having to have everything done for me.  Food had to be brought to me and I was pushed around in my wheelchair (the cedar chip paths made it impossible to wheel myself around the campground).  I had jobs to do, which made it nice; I checked people in and assigned them cabins as they arrived.  I was also the DJ at Friday and Saturday nights dance party (I chose extremely retro music from the 70’s and 80’s when they knew how to make dance music).   During a particularly moving Taize’ service I completely broke down, and cried for hours.  I’m talking huge, shoulder-shaking sobs.  I’m not sure what that was all about, but it was enjoyably cathartic…I needed a seriously good cry.

JESSE IS BACK HOME!  He came home last Tuesday afternoon.  He’s my 12 year old border collie, if you don’t follow my sporadic blogging.  He’d been forced to go live for several weeks with strangers, because I just couldn’t take care of him.  Still can’t walk him, but I am going to figure something out.  We’ve been doing fine so far.   He was really distant towards me when he first arrived back home.  I don’t know if it’s because he was having such a good time where he was (big back yard, 2 other dogs to play with as well as 3 kids) and was not thrilled to be back in the House of Boredom or if he was pissed off at me for the 3 week banishment.  He seems okay, now, though.

PHYSICAL THERAPY began last week.  Not too much happened, I was just given some basic exercises to start getting some motion back into my foot, which was completely immobilized for 6.5 weeks.  I was told I could put a bit of weight on it while walking with my crutches and wear my big, silver, hard-plastic boot.  So far it hurts way too much.

I had no idea that I was going to be laid up this long.  I really thought that once the initial six weeks was up, I’d be able to walk again.  I cannot believe that I have to go through this aloneness and boredom for another month or so.

SO, that’s what’s been going on.  A whole lot of nothing but TV, with the exception of the above distractions.  GOD BLESS the wonderful friends that have been by to keep me company and help me out now and then.  Now if I could only get a man to come over and give me a little “sump’n-sump’n”!   How nice would that be?

Going to put up a video blog soon, maybe this afternoon.

Peace!