CityWOOF

The two posts that draw the most traffic to CityWOOF are the post I did wondering about the sexual orientation of Bob Harper from NBC’s The Biggest Loser, and my post about the sad death of gorgeous, HotHouse porn star Kent North.

I’m not surprised about the interest in either of these hotties (do people still say “hottie”?). Both of these gorgeous blondes radiate confidence and friendly, happy sex. Isn’t that what everyone wants?

I don’t really have any updates on either Bob Harper or Kent North. I do wish Kent was still alive and living next door, with Bob living on the other side.

Damn, this post should draw some traffic, eh?

Oh, shoot. I just noticed that 20 Prostate Exams in One Day has surpassed both Kent North and Bob Harper.  Mmmmmm….fantasies about Kent North and Bob Harper supplying prostate exams?

Gotta go…

Oh Lord, it’s been a week since I’ve blogged!  Sorry, just been busy, and then lazy from being busy and then repeating that cycle.  Plus, I never go on to a new post until both Urspo and Tony have commented. Once that happens, I can go on chronicling my sordid saga.

Trained on the new job all last week, and it was actually quite enjoyable.  I am working with - wait….started to write the name(s) of the companies I’m associated with, but I don’t want to do that here.  Google seems to love my blog and places it high on searches and I don’t want people winding up here who Google those company names.

It’s a job that is easy, but repetitive.  It’s a phone job, taking payments mostly.  Most of the people who work there are young and in college, or older and picking up extra income.  Not much in between.  I have met some other 40-45 year olds there, so I don’t feel like a total loser….well, not the only loser anyway.

Truth is, I’m happy to be there.  It’s an easy, fairly short drive, it’s low-pressure and there are lots of opportunities for advancement.  They really want people to stay, and so they seem to treat everyone really well.  It’s one of the fastest-growing companies in Oregon.

So that’s really all that’s been going on since my last post.  Training class.  I start Monday in my “nesting” phase, and then I’ll move up to another, larger building.  I may try and advance very quickly, or I may just lay low for awhile and see how things work around there.  But I like the people so far, and I’m content and happy to be employed!

I had 20 prostate exams today, by 17 different people, both men and women. This orgy of digital ass-probing took place over 3 hours this morning.

Why?  I performed as a “patient model” today for a bunch of students of naturopathic medicine today who needed to get some hands-on experience up in da butt.

They were all very sweet and very concerned about my comfort.  “How’d you get roped into this?”  one student asked.  I explained that I was an actor and had responded to a call on the local theatre message board.  I think the men (there were only 3 out of the 20) were especially mystified how any guy could whore out his hole in this way.  I almost wanted to tell them, hey, you know - maybe a straight guy would have problems with this, but not someone like me…I’ve had all kinds of things up there.  Baseball bats, gerbils, fists...but I decided not to traumatize them like that.  Besides, it’s not really true…no bats or gerbils.  No fists either for that matter.

They really need to ask the women, though, to trim their fingernails on prostate-exam day.

So anyway, that’s how I spent the morning.  20 prostate exams.  Top that!

I witnessed a murder tonight. The slaying took place no more than 2 feet from where I stood.

I didn’t do it, but I did dispose of the body. It was a very unpleasant task, but it had to be done.

I was walking Jesse right outside our door here, when I spied a nutria on the grass. They usually only linger around the “lake” behind my apartment; I’ve never seen one stray this far from the water.

They look like beavers, and, this being the Beaver State it’s easy to mistake them at first…but just look at the creature’s tail, and you will see the difference. Beavers have tails that look like paddles, but a nutria just has the tail of a rat. As the article in the above link explains, they are just kind of a nasty swamp rat..

Jesse hadn’t seen the creature yet, as he was taking care of bidness in the bushes. “Don’t let my dog see you,” I said aloud to the seemingly fearless rodent, “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll get the hell outta here.”

Too late. Jesse had seen who/what I was speaking to, and the next thing I knew he had the rat-thing in his mouth. A horrible, throaty squalling sound issued from the beast, only somewhat masked by my very loud cries of “DROP IT! DROP IT! DROP IT, JESSE!” and “MOTHERFUCKER!”

Jesse finally deigned to heed my screams and dropped the floppy, lifeless creature at his paws. I looked at him, horrified that my sweet best friend could commit such a violent act of murder. I dragged him back into the apartment, bewildered.

After wandering in a daze for probably five minutes, I realized I couldn’t leave the dead body of the late nutria right there on the grass next to the sidewalk. Little old ladies walk by there all the time. So, armed with three grocery bags over my hand I went out to clear away the corpse. It took me awhile to locate it on the dark grass in the moonlight, but finally spotted its furry, brown, still form. I managed to scoop it up without touching it (took me three tries) and marched it over to the trash compactor.

Back inside, after calling Jesse a murderer and questioning his motive, I finally relaxed a bit. Still somewhat nauseated, I had some soup.

I understand it’s a “Dog Thang”.  It just seemed so out of character for Jesse.  He sometimes has to remind me, I suppose, that he is, in fact, a dog.

The nutria was not big, I believe it to have been quite young. It was only about the size of a very large rat.

Somewhere a mother is searching for her dead child….

This meme is on Urspo’s blog and he got it from someone else, and I’m answering it here!  I like filling these out for some reason.

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?  I don’t have a back seat, it’s a truck.  In the bed of my truck is a crutch, a bunch of rain-soaked cigarette butts and some of those stretchy things you tie things down with.
2. When was the last time you threw up?  The night before last.  It was a vile situation.  I will spare you the horrifying details.
3. What’s your favorite curse word?  “Motherfucker”.  I also like to say “cunt”.
4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Julian, Paul,  Steve, Terry, Andy, Aaron,  the cute guy at the corner store and a bunch of  people I don’t know from  xtube.  That’s way more than three, I am aware.
5. What were you doing at 8 a.m. this morning? Sleeping!
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Driving home from a party.
7. Where were you born? Baker City, Oregon…now just called Baker.
8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes.  The type that feature men.
9. What is the last thing you said aloud? “I love  you”  - to my dog, Jesse.
10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Rocky Road
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?  Milk, 2%
12. What are you wearing right now? I am wearing leather pants and  a furry, Palamino-print  vest with no shirt.  White socks.
13. What was the last thing you ate? A lemon-filled doughnut from Krispy  Kreme.
14. Have you bought any new clothes this week? No.
15. Where were you last? At the corner store, on my way home from The Eagle.
    
16. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Sacramento King’s game.
17. Who won? Not the Kings, that’s for sure.  Can’t remember the other team.
18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message while blogging?  Urspo.
19. Ever go camping? Yes, went to Lazy Bear weekend in the  fall.  Not a big camper.
20. Where do you live?  Milwaukie, OR.
21. What song are you listening to? Five for Fighting’s “I Just Love You” from the album “Two Lights”.  Great album, can’t stop playing it.
22. Do you tan?   Yes, and it’s quite a nice tan. I like burning and then standing under a scalding hot shower….so intense, feels great. 
23. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Only if it’s from a drive-through.
24. What did your last text message say? I rarely text, can’t remember the last one.
25. Who’s your best friends? Kelly and Steven.
26. What are you doing tomorrow? Hopefully cleaning my nasty, messy apartment.  Possibly go to a movie.
27. Where is your mom right now? In Sacramento, CA.
28. Look to your right, what do you see? A TV with a bunch of old porn tapes stacked around it.
29. What color is your watch? Black.
30. What do you think of when you think of where you live? Beautiful  trees, rain,  gorgeous city, all the many people I know.
31. Ever ridden on a roller coaster? Yes,  I like riding them, especially the ones at Disneyland, and water-themed  coasters.
32. What is your birthstone? Amethyst, for February.
33. Do you go in at a fast-food place or just hit the drive through? Almost always drive-through.
34. What is your favorite number? 7
35. Do you have a dog? Yes, Jesse.  12 years old border collie, and the love of my life.
36. Last person you talked to on the phone? My mother.
37. Have you met anyone famous? Yes, many…I did a blog about them.
38. Any plans today? Nope.
39. How many states have you lived in? 3 - Oregon, California and Texas.
40. Ever go to college?  Yes, if community college counts, I’ve been to 3.
41. Where are you right now? In the bedroom.
42. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? This zit on my right eyebrow.
43. Are you struggling to forgive someone right now? Yes,  several people.  They will remain unforgiven.
44. Are you allergic to anything? Bactrim.
45. Favorite pair of shoes? My butch leather boots, but they hurt my feet.  They look way cool, though.
    

I have a close friend who is not happy. We’re the same age, down to the year and month, but there are differences: He’s tall, trim, blue-eyed, healthy and handsome with a degree in the thing he loves most, music. Not only that, but he makes his nice living doing what he loves with music.

He called me three times yesterday to tell me how miserable he is.

I’m a short, dumpy hiv+ guy who just got a job that a trained monkey could do, and I’m happy to have it. Yet I’m a much happier person than my buddy is.

He asked how I keep such a positive attitude (which may surprise my blog readers to hear that, in fact, I am a generally upbeat and positive person), and I told him “Happiness is a choice”.

Whenever I get depressed or funky or feel sorry for myself (which is often), I rely on a lesson I learned a long time ago…..keep things in perspective! No matter how bad things may seem, there are literally millions of people who have and who have had things MUCH worse than I do or ever will. Homeless, abused, ignorant, unloved, downtrodden people.

I have friends and family who love me, I have a nice place to live and everything I need and many of the things I want. I could find lots of things to complain about, and I probably do…but happiness is a choice. Perspective is essential. “Count your blessings” is not a silly old platitude, it’s very valuable wisdom.

Music makes me happy, and this guy is doing it for me lately, in a big way. He’s John Ondrasik, and he is the sole member of Five for Fighting. I’m sure you’ve heard his stuff, much of it has had a lot of airplay, but if you haven’t…GET WITH IT! I really want to recommend his latest studio album, “Two Lights”. I’m just loving him, and the song in the “this guy” link makes me well up with happiness and emotion everytime I play it -over and over. Get this album, just get it. It’s gorgeous.

The Riddle

There was a man back in ‘95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what’s the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see… You will see

Then he said,

Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can’t live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

Dad I’m big but we’re smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we’re nothing at all
Still every mother’s child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me

And Hey Dad
Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

I said,

Son for all I’ve told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world…
Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we’re not wise enough to see

He said… You looking for a clue I Love You free…

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel’s eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me

I guess we’re big and I guess we’re small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we’re all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

(music and lyrics by Five for Fighting, from the album Two Lights)

Well, I got another new job, hehe. Actually, I got hired for 2 jobs today, but I’m going to take the 2nd one. It’s more corporate and rigid, but that’s not why I am taking it…it simply pays better! More than I’ve ever made.

I’m not going to say where or what I will be doing…yet. Suffice it to say that I will be sitting down, and it’s just as many hours as I require and no more. There are young people and older people and I think it’ll be fine. Boring, probably, but fine.

Tomorrow I must clean house! Very messy here. I’ve been too busy making dirty movies and putting them on Xtube job hunting to clean.

Happy Friday!

The first time I ever fell in love, I fell for a guy named Stephen Chicca. He was extremely gorgeous, furry and sexy with big chestnut-colored curly hair and blue-green eyes. Furry chest, muscled body. At least a decade older than I. He was a Buddhist and also practiced witchcraft. And he was a raging alcoholic. None of these things mattered to me: he was beautiful, he fucked like a champ, and he was a soulful post-hippie who introduced me to the world of sex, drugs and alternative music. He never loved me back.
The following is the first entry in a journal I started at one time. The entry is entitled “Stephen” and it is dated Saturday, March 19, 1983 (early morning 3-5 a.m.) This puts me at the age of 20 years old and one month.

“I guess beautiful thoughts are what do me in the most. I suppose that I am an idealist, and idealists, I hear, think beautiful thoughts and really believe that they are possible. But when reality crashes against an idealist’s dream, I’m learning, the wreckage rivals that of a train crash.

I can see the crash coming, and the knowledge of it is more painfully numbing than the actual collision itself will probably be.

The terrifying truth that your reality is going to crash against my ideal has me shaking.

It’s bittersweet, though; I’m enjoying being in love with you simply because even though you have no idea what I’m feeling, the whole experience is making me feel very alive.

But it aches. I know I’m alive because of the pain. At least I know I can really feel. I’ve never felt so much before.

And now I come to my point. I know that you and I will never be “we”. So, if you would, put me out of my….misery (?). Break my heart now. I want to cry over you now, deeply, instead of just watching you fade out of my life and crying all alone. Hurt me and hold me while my heart breaks. I love feeling for you.”

What a drama queen, eh? I remember trying to read this to Stephen and he wouldn’t listen. Then I moved away for a few years, all the while dreaming of the day I would return to Stephen, and the joyfull reunion we would have. When I came back to Fresno, I ran into him again, and, overjoyed to see him, ran up and tried to give him a hug. He didn’t remember who I was. Talk about crushed!

I eventually got over him. I don’t know what ever happened to him.

It’s rough having your first experience with unrequited love at the age of 20. Straight people go through all of that during Junior and High school, I guess.

I’ve had other loves since Stephen. The “requited” kind.

Single for 8 or so years now, I hope one day to have a loving relationship again.

I saw a great little movie tonight you may have heard of, or maybe not. It’s called Once and it’s an Irish musical. Not your spontaneously-break-into-song type of musical, but a sweet story about a singer-songwriter and the girl he meets. They write songs, fall in love, make a record. The film was made on a tiny budget, and is mostly done with a hand-held camera and uses non-actors. But the story is great, the songs are wonderful and it is a really moving, lovely film! I have to watch Irish films with subtitles, though, to get through the accents. I loved ONCE.

SWEENEY TODD didn’t disappoint me, either. I am very impressed and relieved that Tim Burton has made Stephen Sondheim’s masterpiece into a great, dark, vicious film version. I want to see it again on the big screen before it goes away.

My mom and went to see I AM LEGEND, and I liked that too. The “Dark-Seekers” looked too CG, though, but Will Smith was great in the movie.

My top 5 favorite movies are (now you will really get to see the sad sap in me):

Carrie, Terms of Endearment, Sophies Choice, The Color Purple and Amadeus.

They are films that riveted me to my seat, films which I still recall the strong emotions they evoked.

I was at the Oregon Bears board meeting last night, and, during some portion of some conversation, someone referred to me as “The Bitter Bear”.

Well!  I never…!

But thinking about it, I guess I can see how some in the inner Bears circle would see me that way, after the year I’ve had.

I’m not one to keep things in.  If I’m unhappy, I’m unhappy and I talk about it….as those of you who read this blog can attest to!  And when I’m happy, I’m ebullient and I talk about that too.  It’s just unfortunate that so much negative crap has happened to happen during my year in the public eye.

Should I put on a happy face and keep my troubles to myself?